Outsource

My body starts to feel aggitated.
It requires movement, it's energies swirling about, asking for release.
I'm not sure how best to satisfy this, but I take it running.
Although, while we are running, I definitely feel bored.
I reconcile this thought with the needs of the body.
The body comes first, I tell myself.

It feels strange to have my mind interject with its opinions
Boredom.
I instantly want to obey this boredom and give up the running.
But I am learning to differentiate.
It is a request of the mind, not the body.
The body comes first.

This mind is unruly and unhelpful.
During the day, it makes few requests, other than to follow the body.
It talks too much. It rabbits incoherently, sometimes for a long time.
 It starts to hanker for interactions with others.
This transmutes into a physical ache,
So, I find someone for it to talk to, and it comes out through my mouth

When the conversation is over I feel, physically, satisfied.
As a result of these conversations, I often feel a physical excitation.
This is pleasant but it's come from these others.
The need to piss, shit, wank, rest, eat,
Doesn't come from anywhere else but inside.
These external influences are unusual.

I sit blankly often.
Waiting.
I sometimes think, abstractly, 'what would i like to do?'
Can't really put this into any kind of action though.
Doesn't really make sense.
I hear of these people who 'like' to do things,
Who have a passion for actions and behaviours.
I just do as I'm told.
If I keep my body happy, my mind does not get too aggitated.

Sometimes when I speak to other people, I get very excited.
Sometimes I feel an intense warmth and happiness.
I sometimes even want to press my body against theirs in affection
My body asks for this as a result of the verbal and mental interaction.
I've decided not to show my body too many things
Other wise it will drag me about in an excited frenzy
And I will feel completely lost.